Much Ado About Nothing

Well it appears that I was worried over nothing. Went to the doctor today and got my test results, every thing is normal with the exception of my blood sugar is a little high. No cancer markers, liver function is normal and the Hep-C viral load is at the undetectable levels. I was worried because he moved my appointment up by three weeks but as it turns out they only did that because the Doctor is going to be out of town for the holidays. I'll sleep better tonight.

OMFG I think I watch too much TV

OMG if I have to watch another re-run I am going to scream. The hollywood writers strike is taking its toll on me. I just looked at the tv listings for tonight and found that one of my favorite shows"Shark" is not on, probably because they have run out of new episodes already. I am really looking forward to February 12 because that's when the 7 new episodes of "Jericho" start. I was really glad to hear this because it is a really good show and it appeared that CBS was going to cancel it, but due to popular public out cry they made 7 new episodes and wisely withheld them to run during the writers strike.

In other news, I got a call from my Doctors office the other day and they told me that the doctor wants me to come in and see him on monday. This kinda bothers me because I had some special tests ran last week, I wonder what is so important that he moved my appointment ahead by three weeks. Did the test show some cancer markers? or Is the Hep-C viral load up again? I don't think I am going to sleep well tonight.

Bah Humbug!

I just can't seem to get in to the Christmas spirit this year. There is so much to do and so little time to do it. I am all alone when it comes to the house work and cleaning that need to be done in preparation for decorating and putting up the tree and all the stuff that goes along with it. It seems like the entire month is full of either Debbie's doctors appointments or my doctors appointments or meetings at Danny's care home. Every time I think I have a day or so that I can set aside to do some cleaning and or decorating I look at the calender and find that there is some sort of appointment that we need to go to. And to make matters worse my emphysema is getting worse so if I try and hustle to get something done I get really winded and my chest hurts and I just about pass out.

Here is an example of how hectic things are around here as of late. This is next weeks schedule.

Monday: My Cardiology appt.
Tuesday: Debbie's Doctor
Wed./am: My pulmonary test
Wed./pm..My GI appointment
Thursday.: Meeting at Danny's care home
Friday......: I go to have more lab work done.

Hopefully after that I will have some time to decorate the appt. and maybe that
will help get me into the spirit of the season. I sure hope so, I am sick and tired of being tired and run down all the time, I need some time to relax and not have to worry about anything or anyone.

Happy Holidays to everyone.

Banished From AOL for life?

Yesterday as I was having my morning coffee I received a phone call from my sister. She called me to ask if I was able to get on aol that morning because she was having trouble. Every time she would log on she would be immediately Booted off. She tried going through the internet explorer only to be told that her pass word was invalid. After a couple of hours I called her back to see what progress she had made and she told me that aol had band her for life. Wow, you could have knocked me over with a feather because my sister is not the type to do anything on line that would get her kicked off aol. As it turns out the violations were committed under my nieces screen name, she shares the account with my sister. The only problem is that on the days the violations occurred my niece was no where near a computer. She was up at my sisters cabin with the rest of the family for Thankgiving dinner. What we think happened is that her room mate whom we believe knows her password went online under her screen name, ooops. Any way my point is that now everything that is important on my sisters computer is tied to her screen name and is now no longer available to her. AOL says she can appeal in writing but that the chances of having the decision reversed are pretty slim.

And the nominees aren't

When I was younger I dreamed of being An actor. I pictured myself winning an academy award for best actor. I thought how great that would be. Unfortunately That didn't happen. Oh I had some pretty nice parts in high school plays and later in local theatre but nothing really important. The closest I ever got to the big time was in college, and this turned out to be a cruel Hoax. One day the instructor informed the class that a talent scout for a Hollywood production company called Rastar Productions was coming to the school to hold open auditions. If this production co. name sounds familiar it's because they were the ones responsible for the Burt Reynolds "Smokey and the Bandit " movies. Well about 15 people turned out for the auditions and the guy ran us through some short scenes and just kinda looked everyone over. Then about two days later or something like that he informed our teacher that he had parts for a couple of us, Myself included, in an upcoming film. Imagine how excited I was. Then a day or so later we get a call from my teacher explaining that the guy was a fraud. Apparently he was recruiting for porn films and was in no way associated with Rastar Productions. So there you have it, Bubble bursted.

You may have noticed I have changed the name of my Blog. I was not aware that "A Savage World" was already being used by radio host Michael Savage. So I Renamed it according to the way my friend keath has it linked on his Blog.

Following the "Tide" In time and in vain. For "Ocean" I love you Bro.

I've written in the past about my good friend "Ocean" a unique individual that left a lasting impression on my life. He past away a few years ago. Since that time I have thought about him often. For a time I sometimes would think I saw him walking down the street as I would pass by in the car or on the bus. I know that this was wishful thinking on my part because I miss him. Over the last few weeks I have had the strangest dreams In which I am in some sort of subway or train station waiting for a train. As I am standing on the platform out of the corner of my eye I notice a distinctive cowboy type hat that "Ocean" used to wear. (I Put Quotes around his name because that's the way He singed his name) Or sometimes if he would leave a note on my door it would simply bear An"X".

As I notice the hat I say to my self,"Hey that looks like "Ocean" so I start to follow him. Just as I am about to catch up to him he ascends a staircase to another level. As I would reach the top of that staircase I am just in time to see him ascending another staircase. As I reach the top of that one the same thing happens. This goes on for about 4 or 5 staircase, all the while I am just one staircase behind him and I never really see his face though I know that it is him because of the distinctive hat. And by the way at the Top of each staircase I find his Mark, The distinctive "X" That he would leave all over town, On street signs, lamp posts, fences, Bathroom walls, Motel rooms everywhere. The only difference in the "X" I show here is that his mark had 4 quotes two at the top of the X and Two at the bottom.

The story of how I met "Ocean Is two fold and goes back almost 30 years to a time when I was freshly separated from Celeste and My daughter. I was feeling lost and destitute and my home town of Napa California held nothing but heart ache and memories for me. So I decided to head for the hills or in my case the Russian river. My Friend Steve Maxwell and I packed up my Oldsmobile Vista cruiser station wagon and headed out on an adventure that would take us to the town of Guerneville Calif. On the Russian river in Sonoma county. By the time we had gotten to Guerneville we were almost broke and out of gas. Steve and I went to the local chamber of commerce because we had heard that they had a bulletin board there with ads from people looking for temporary help with odd jobs and such. I covered some of this in an earlier post so I'll just get to the part wherein we obtain work helping to build a stage on Johnson's beach in Downtown Guerneville for the upcoming"Russian River Country Music Festival"

After about week of hard work building the stage and fencing off the perimeter of the beach to prevent people from sneaking in The first half of the Job was nearing an end. As luck would have it, Dick Lyman, the guy who hired us introduced us to a fella that turned out to be the road manager for the headlining act, None other Than The "Ragin Cajun" Doug Kershaw. As it turned out they were there two days early and wanted to go ahead and set up some equipment on the stage and wanted to hire some security to stay at the on the beach and keep an eye on things. Steve and I got the Job so for the next few days you might say that we were in charge of Johnson's beach at night anyway.

On the first night I stationed myself at the N.W Entrance to make sure no one climbed over the small gate there. It was a dark moonless night and we were underneath the cover of large trees so there wasn't even any star light, so as you might imagine it was quite dark. As I stood there making small talk with some of the locals that had sorta camped out in line to get the best places on the beach for the concert I reached into my pocket for something and out dropped a hit of purple micro dot acid that I had gotten from one of the locals the day before. As you can imagine it was going to be impossible to find in the dark. I was just about to give up looking for it when a voice came out of the darkness and exclaimed "FOUND IT". I looked up to see this short Hippie looking guy with shoulder length hair wearing a flat brimmed cowboy type hat with a feather in the band. He started to hand me the hit of acid and I just told him, Man you found it so you keep it, my treat. I would not Know his name or see him again till years later when we would meet in Fairfield and discover in conversation that we had met before on that dark moonless night more than 4 years earlier and more than 100 miles away. When ever he would show up to visit who ever answered the door would just exclaim "Tides In" Thus the Title of this post.

God Save a Wave
________________By RK Savage
"God save a Wave as he crashes on your shore,
Take him in your loving care where he'll never long for more,
We live our lives from day to day not knowing whats ahead,
But I hope that we will meet again
when these earthly bonds I shed."

New day, Different light.

OK enough whining. I guess its time that I take a look at all the things I have that I should be and am Thankful for. I Have a lot of good friends at our church that Think think a lot of me. The other day our evangelist Mike showed up at my door with a brand new Queen size mattress to replace the old one with the huge sink hole in it that I have been sleeping on. It has done wonders for my back pain. Oh yea, the other day I mentioned that we were invited to their house for dinner and how I wished that I could somehow wriggle out of it, I'm glad that I did go. WE had a wonderful dinner and a really nice evening just visiting . Our good friend Angie and her Brother Tim showed up. It was a really nice time. I can't remember how long it has been since I was in a house that did not have a TV set. I'd forgotten how nice just pleasant conversation could be.

One other thing that Mike has done for me that I was just blown away by is that when he heard that I had to retire my Guitar that I have had for 36 years because it was just played out and would cost to much to have restored he called me up and told me he had a guitar for me. I had no Idea what kind. When we went to church the following Sunday I was surprised to find that he was giving me his 1981 Ovation model 1311. This just happens to be a guitar that I had always wanted when I was younger but could never afford. Now Thanks to this wonderful man I now have one. I will play it with love and cherish it always. So I guess all in all with everything that goes wrong there is also a lot of things that go right and I have a lot of things and people to be thankful for.

To my Buddy Keath, I hope that the tinnitus is getting better and that things are on the upswing for you and Cindy. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and God Bless the both of you.

untitled

It's been quite a while since I've sat down to write on this blog. Mainly because Debbie won't let me. It seems like every time I try to she finds something else for me to do. At this very moment she is running off at the mouth asking me all kinds of questions that she has asked many times in the past.Just to take me away from what I am doing and focus the attention on Her. I know this sounds terrible but Some times I just cant stand the sound of her voice. This is my wife and I can't stand the sound of her voice right now.

I can tell right now that today is going to be hell. My Back is out again and every time I move I pinch the the sciatic nerve and the pain is unbelievable. To make matters worse we have been Invited to dinner at the pastors house and I see no way that we can wriggle out of it. I mean He and his wife are great people and On any other day I would love to visit with them, I just don't think I will be much company the way I am feeling today. And oh yea, I messed up and mentioned to Debbie that the doctor said he was going to run a cancer marker test with my blood work. Big Mistake, Now she is all panicky and worried and crying thinking that I might have cancer.

I'll make some more entries later after Debbie goes to the mall with her brother.

Loss of Identity

I don't know who I am any more. I wonder where the remnants of who I used to be are. Well, let me put it this way. I have become some one other than who I was. I have become Debbie's Husband and care giver. I have become the person who cooks and cleans and shops for her and her Brother and the guy who picks up Danny on the week ends and Changes his adult diapers. I wasn't always just this. I have lost a sense of who "I" am. I can no longer write music like I used to. I am not half he guitar player that I used to be. I have no outside interests or hobbies other than this blog. I wasn't always just "THIS" I used to be paid for my music, I was(for a while) a local radio personality. I was an actor, a part time cameraman and Technical director at our college TV station, I had a lot of friends. I was much more than what I now see when I look in the mirror. The following verse probably describes how I am feeling at this moment. Do I sound selfish? I hope not.


Mama Mama Mama, why am I so alone?
I can't go outside I'm scared I might not make it home,
I'm alive, I'm alive, But I'm sinking in,
if there's anyone home at your place
why don't you invite me in,
don't try to bleed me,
I've been there before and I deserve a little more.

( From "Rain King" By Adam Duritz)

Southern Calif. Fires.

My heart really goes out to the people of so. Calif. That have been effected by the current fires now wreaking havoc in the area. My sister lives in Chula Vista and tells me that they are ok for now but if the wind changes directions and doesn't let up then it may be a different story. My niece lives in a neighborhood that is next in line for evacuation.

I spoke with my sister this morning and she tells me that the 1000 trails campground near where she lives was saved by the Saint Helena fire dept. which is in the Napa Valley where I grew up. She also tells me that the local fairgrounds which is being used to house evacuated livestock is so full that there are 3 horses to a stall. Qualcom stadium is full as is the local high school down the street from her house. My nephew David worked there all night last night as a volunteer, I am really proud of him.

If you live in these areas our prayers are with you and be safe.

All bottled up

I've been sitting here for over an hour just staring at the screen trying to find the words to describe how I am feeling today and I am having a hell of a time breaking through the cloud of depression that is hanging over me. Yesterday sucked. I had a big argument with my upstairs neighbor of her company pulling up in front of the apartment blasting loud bass from their car stereo. It woke me up and I guess I just snapped and cursed them out. Now My neighbor who is usually very nice. is acting all bent out of shape and not speaking to me. Whenever it was some one else doing this she was in complete agreement with me but now when it is one of her own people it's a different story. I have known for a while that she isn't all there in the head and that it was only a matter of time before she turned on me as I have seen her turn on others here in the complex. She is all nicey nicey to their face but the minute their back is turned she starts badmouthing them.

I should have Known something was wrong with her when she first moved in 2 tears ago. She bought some patio furniture for he balcony and had her some come assemble it for her. The table came in a big box that was sealed with those big copper staples. well apparently he left these laying on her patio and the next day she asked my wife "Does your husband own a stable gun?" My wife replied "no" we have a stapler" Later that day She asked me "Do you own a staple gun?" I said "No" to which she replied "well your wife says you do, and I want to know why you've been shooting these big stables up onto my patio. I told her that I had done no such thing to which she replied,"Well they didn't just fall from the sky"At that moment I saw the big box and knew exactly where they had come from but she didn't want to hear it and Just turned around and walked back inside.

I hate neighbor problems. I tried to be the bigger person and said good morning this a.m. but she just stuck her nose in the air and ignored me. I hate this. I have been so depressed lately that this is just making it worse. I have been going through a slump where I miss my daughter really bad and have been reminded of her and her mom every time I turn around. I love Debbie But Celeste was my first REAL Love and I guess no matter how hard I try I will never really get over her.

It is odd that today I read my friends blog and he was writing about how pleased and thrilled he was that he was able to go buy some new underwear. This was odd because that was one of the things I had planned for today myself. But as luck would have it when I looked at the size label on the ones I was wearing I was horrified to realize that I was going to have to buy ones that are at least 3 sizes bigger. Now I am really depressed. I have gained so much weight is my stomach it ain't even funny. Time for a song Parody:

Fat man eatin" in the dead of night,
Buy some chicken wings and learn to fry,
What a fright, such an appetite,
You are only waitin' for you pizza to arrive.

To the tune of the Beatles "Black Bird"

To my Buddy Keath, Hope those fires down your way are nowhere near your home.
P.S. My store doesn't carry Covington Brand(LOL)

Cat Stevens - How Can I Tell You

This Song says everything I've wanted to say to Celeste for the past 28 years. I know I must sound awful being as I am Married to another woman but right now my Heart Can't help it. I go through these feelings every so often. I used to play this song for her.

Top ten most depressing Jobs.

I read an article the other day that listed the top ten most depressing Jobs.
My Job "Care giver"was number 1. Number two was social worker. What the hell that has to do with anything I don't know I just thought I'd pass it along. Actually I think I'm just trying to avoid going to bed. I've been having bad dreams lately that wake me up in a sweat every hour or so. Don't remember them, just that they are very unpleasant. I need to get my script for Ambien refilled. Or go back to smoking herb.
I think herb is cheaper But Ambien is legal.

Omaha - Counting Crows Omaha Nebraska Old Market

IT IS THE HEART THAT MATTERS MORE.

A Savage World Indeed.

I am so ashamed of myself. Lately I have been posting about how "I" am so thrilled with "You Tube" and how "I" am so happy to finally have a high speed connection, Or Bitching about "My" AOL program messing with "My" computer.

I was reading my friends blog this morning and compared to what he is going through I am living the life of Riley. I mean this is a guy whom with all his own financial woes and other problems offered to send me money when my son and wife were in the hospital a while back. I could not believe that some one that I only knew from correspondents on the web was willing to reach out and help in such a way.

Today he spoke of feelings of worthlessness and failure at being a good human being. About hating his life and envy of those who have passed on. From what I can see this is a guy who goes to work every day, does the best he can to provide for his family and pets(He's a cat lover) has care and concern for his friends,and from what I can tell he has a lot of friends that care for him. Now if you ask me these are all indications that he is not only not a failure and not worthless but is a huge success in every way that really matters.

He also wrote that he feels he is not very smart or wise. I read this guys blog just about every day and i can tell you he is very smart, very articulate and one hell of a good writer. I have told him in the past that I think the answer to his financial problems lies in his writing. I truly think he could turn out a successful screenplay. Give his blog a read and see if you don't agree. It is linked here.
God bless you guy, Keep hangin in there. To Quote one of my favorite Lyricists ,
"Gettin Right To The Heart Of Matters, It's The Heart That Matters More"
(From "Omaha" By Adam Duritz)

I'm Soooo Confused.

In the immortal words of Vinny Barbarino from "Welcome Back kotter"
"I'm Sooooo confused" As many (If any) who read my blog know, I am fairly new to computers, so it only follows that when my AOL program started screwing up my computer that I would totally freak out. Over the past few days I have lost and regained my address books, Favorite places, not to mention all of the mail that I had saved to my PCs filing cabinet(have not gotten the saved mail back).To make matters worse I discovered this morning that some how a second account had been created for which I was going to be charged. So I had to spend an enormous amount of time on hold with their billing dept to get this mistake cleared up. I think I am just about ready to scrap AOL entirely and just go with Comcast for my connection and use Firefox for my Browser. In short, for all the extra bells and whistles that AOL has they still SUCK!!!!

Tickled Pink

I am just thrilled to have discovered "YOU TUBE". I am amazed at the never ending supply of entertainment available there. I have been typing in some of the most obscure names in the video search window and I have been treated to a veritable treasure trove of musical nostalgia. I have seen clips of bands from the sixties that I didn't know existed any more like The Jefferson Airplane on the old Smothers Brothers variety show, The Trogs, the Cowsills, Jimi Hendrix and many more. I could spend all day just thinking of bands from my youth and watching and listening to Great old music. Now I am in a quandary as to how I am going to be able to afford to keep my high speed connection when the six month discount period is up. I will have to find a way because I am now Hooked.

New Addiction

Well lets see, I spent years addicted to alcohol and gave it up for pot. Then I spent years addicted to pot and then added meth to the menu. Now that I have rid myself of those addictions I find my self in the grips of a new and far more addictive habit, Thats right, YOU TUBE!!!!! OMFG I just can't get enough. I started using about 5 days ago and have found my self at the screen watching videos and reading and replying to comments at least 5 hours a day or so. I need help(LOL). This is all because of comcast and their insidious discount offer on high speed internet which I believe is designed to snare people like me with addictive personalities and trap them forever in their fiber optic web. I don't think I will be able to escape when the six months is up and the price for the connection doubles. I'm Doomed.

"UNLESS"

I came across this video on you tube and right away I was impressed. It not only addresses what we are doing to our planet, But it does it using Dr. Seuss an Cat Stevens. What more could you ask for?

107 Flips on Top Spin

This is one awsome video. I am using it as a trial. This is my first attempt at poting a video

Back home again

Well my son Danny is home from his second stint in the hospital. This time he was there for a week, last time it was a month. during all this he has lost about 18 pounds because of being on a liquid diet and the fact that with all his colon problems he has not felt like eating hardly at all. One day last week I was at his room and had given him a carnation instant breakfast sweet berry flavor drink which is one of the few things he would drink. I left the room for a few minutes and when I returned I found that he had spilled it, He was crying and covering his face and head as if he thought that he was going to be punished for it. This has me really bothered because he lives in an intermediate care home for people with developmental disabilities and other conditions such as Cerebral Palsy and now I wonder what may be going on there. Saturday night I received a phone call from the discharge manager at the hospital, She told me that they may be sending him home on Sunday so I called the care home's owner and gave her the heads up.The next day I got another call from the hospital. This time it was to inform me that they had discharged him but that the owner of the care home said that there was no one available to pick him up or to care for him at the house till the next day.

These people are being paid well to care for him and where given 24 hours notice that he was coming home yet they were still unable to do their job. They reluctantly agreed to find some one to pick him up but after I had told the case manager at the hospital the story about spilling the drink she became concerned enough to keep him one more day at the hospital till I could talk with Danny's social worker to make sure that there is no abuse going on at the home.

These homes have a large turn over in employees because of the nature of the work. I know this first hand because I worked as an orderly at a nursing facility.
The home that Danny lives in is also home to three or for other clients that have Cerebral Palsy and are completely non ambulatory. In the five years that he has lived there the staff has changed completely two or three times, Just when you get to know the people caring for your loved ones they leave and a whole new bunch of strangers take over and it takes a while to get to know them and build trust. This problem is compounded by a language barrier because all the staff that the owner hires are usually Filipino and most of them have such thick accents that they are really hard to understand. I really hate to think that something maybe wrong at the home because he has made such great leaps forward in his development since he has been there, But like I said, with change of staff comes different people with different personalities. People like my son depend quite a lot on routine to function in their daily lives and when some one who cares for them has a different way of doing things than the last person it can frustrate and confuse them. So I have called his social worker and asked her to quietly look into things at the home, I really don't want to rock the boat unless there is a real reason to do so. There are very few facilities of this kind in the area and he has done really well there for so long and it is his home.

Different kind of lottery

The other day I played the super lotto for the first time in years because of the # 19 showing up all over the place and my son ended up being discharged from the hospital on the 19Th. Well the numbers didn't hit but I still feel as if I hit a lottery. Danny is improving with each day. He is walking(with assistance) again and is slowly getting his appetite Back. He is still going to need the colon surgery but we will waiy till he is stronger and cross that bridge at that time.
Other than that not much to write about today except that it is raining here today, Rained two days ago also.

The Mystery of the Number "19" Revealed

As anybody who read my Blog recently knows my son Danny has been in the hospital for quite a while. Last thursday night I went to bed and woke up every hour at 19 minutes after the hour. I checked my answering machine and there was a message which was time stamped at 8:19. Then I noticed that the inventory number on his hospital bed added up to 19. I have been trying to figure out what the number 19 has in store for us. Today I went to see my son and as I was sitting waiting for the doctor I looked at his room number which is 1855. 1+8+5+5=, you guessed it ,19. Soon the doctor came in and told me Danny could go home today and when I looked at the calander I saw that the date is the 19th. You think I didn't buy a lottery ticket?.

The Number "19"

Last Night I tried to stay awake long enough to watch the "Late Show" with David Letterman, However I fell asleep. The next thing I know I woke up and looked at the clock and the time was 12:19 AM, I went back to sleep and awoke at 1:19 AM, then 2:19, 3:19, 5:19, 6:19, And then finally 9:19 AM. I Noticed that there was a message on my answering machine, I listened to the message that was time stamped 8:19 AM. It was From my sons doctor,(He is still In the Hospital)She wanted me to come by the hospital to talk with the physical therapist. As I was sitting in my son's room I noticed the Inventory number on the side of his hospital bed,"375419"3+7+5+4=19, how weird is that? I am having trouble believing that this is just some weird coincidence and have spent the entire day wondering where the number 19 is going to play into things. I am not normally superstitious but ya gotta admit that's a lot of nineteens.

The Power Of Prayer

Yesterday was My son's sixteenth Day in the hospital. We went to visit him with two people from our church. They had moved him back into ICU because he had developed an infection and was running a temperature of 103.2. He was feeling miserable and had not been able te sleep for a long time. To make matters worse the had inserted an NG tube.(that's a tube down the nasal passage into the stomach)because he was not eating. This was making him extremely uncomfortable. Brother Clifton and his wife Barbara Prayed over him for at least 15 minutes and by the time they were done he was fast asleep and resting comfortably. Today he is quite a bit better as far as the fever goes. They put a smaller tube in so that it is not as uncomfortable for him and he is finally getting some nutrition into his stomach. We just have to wait for him to get stronger so they can do the surgery to fix his colon. Hopefully he will start eating again once he gets stronger.

Lifes Dirty Little Tricks

What a month August has been. It started of with my making plans to go to San Francisco for the "Summer Of Love" 40'Th anniversary concert which is being held this Sunday September 2'nd. All looked well for the trip until I found out that I would Have a problem getting a bus home for the last leg of the return trip. I was finally able to arrange for someone to pick me up In Vallejo and bring me home to Fairfield.



Going to this concert was really important to me because when the original concert was held in 1967 I was only 12 years old and my parents would not let me go with my cousin and his friends. One of the headlining bands is "Country Joe And The Fish" This holds a special significance for me because In 1967 my mom was a concert promoter and she hired them to play at the Napa fairgrounds. During a break the Bass player was mingling with the crowd and was attacked by some Local ASSHOLE redneck. This resulted in the famous "Fish Game" on the cover of their next album. The object is to move your game pieces around the board and collect points and Joints and such. There is one space marked "NAPA, YOU LOSE THE GAME. START OVER" About two months ago I posted an inquiry on Country Joe's web page for any info about the incident. I surprised to hear back from the Bass player that it actually Happened to. I was supposed to meet with him at the Concert.



Now it appears that I am not going to be able to go after all. About two Weeks ago My step son Danny was admitted to the hospital with a bowel obstruction, which is an ongoing problem for him. To make matters worse My wife was so concerned for him that she got sick and dehydrated so I had to take her to the ER. While the were treating her for her Dehydration and pain from IBS they over dosed her on Dilaudid and had to admit her to the hospital as well. So she is there for two days and just as I am leaving to go see her I get a call from the doctor that is caring for our son and he tells me that they had to move him to Intensive care because he had developed Pneumonia.



Well the good news is that he is much better and is getting his strength back. The Bad news is that they want to do surgery on his colon to prevent this from happening again which it is sure to happen because of his condition. If it were to happen again as bad as it was this time there is always a chance that it could perforate his bowle and that could be fatal. So we have to meet with the Doctors over the weekend and make a decision as to weather to do it now while he is in the hospital or to wait a month or so. I just hope we make the right decision, doing it now has certain risks because he has been sick for awhile and may not have enough strength back yet. Doing it later has the risk that he may become severly obstructed again and then it will be more difficult to cleanse the colon for surgery, that plus the fact that he is unable to have regular IV set ups and required a central IV line through the groin which is still in place, this is another cosideration for doing it now while he is already in the hospital.



Man I gotta go take a nap, My head is killing me.

" The Old Sourdough and Wachikanoka"

A while back I posted a post titled "I Want To Go Back" in which I mentioned a late night Television program that I used to watch when I was a kid. It was Called "The Old Sourdough and Wachikanoka". It was a show that featured old time classic westerns. It was hosted by two guys who portrayed the characters of "the Old Sourdough" an old west prospector type and his Indian sidekick "Wachikanoka". I have not seen nor heard anything about this show in 25-30 years. I subsequently received a comment on that post from a fellow who goes by the moniker of "Funnybook" He sent me a link to a site called "ga3ry.com".
I went to that site and I'll be damned it was a site devoted to that show and others that the two guys were part of. It was complete with pictures and back stories of the Characters and stories from the show and behind the scenes. What a joy it was. The Old Sourdough" was played by a guy named Andy Moore" and Wachikanoka was played by a guy by the name Of Gary Ferry.

I have never seen these names in any other credits, Till This morning. I was watching an old episode of "Green Acres" and There It was In the closing Credits, The name "Andy Moore" I want to thank "Funnybook" for sending me this link. It brought back many fond memories for me. I have linked it on this blog for any one that would like to check it out. There are some great stories there.

26 years and counting

Not a lot to write about today except that Debbie and I have been married 26 years today. Lord how time flies. It seems like just the other day that we met. well not much else to say except I had better pay less attention to the computer and more to Debbie(If ya know what I mean)

Fishing For Chipmunks.

I recieved an email this morning from my sister Tamie, She invited me to go campng with her and her family at the end of August. They go to a place called Flowers in northern Ca. As much as I would love to go I had to decline because of my Back and Breathing problems. She told me that every time they go the kids "Fish for chipmunks" They tie a peanut to the end of a fishing line(No hook) of course and when the chipmunks take the peanut they reel them in. The Chipmunk hangs on to the peanut till the last second before letting go. They then reward it with a peanut or two, sounds hilarious and does not harm the animal. They also hike to a large waterfall where they can dive into the water. I would really love to go but it will probably be in the triple digits during the day and with emphysema I would not be very comfortable and my back problem would prevent me from hiking up to the waterfall so I would have to stay in camp and that would be a drag. Maybe some other time when the weather is cooler.

"Lonely Town" By R K Savage

The Following was written During a particularly messed up period of my Life.

I woke up this morning in some kinda' place,
My mind was spinning I was sorta' spaced,
Somebody told me what I did last night,
I couldn't believe it, It just couldn't be right.
No No No.

So I walked down the street to see what I could see,
There were all kinds of people they were staring at me,
I asked them no questions and they told me no lies,
All they were doing was livin' their lives,
In this Lonely Town.

This Lonely Town has got me runnin' around,
spinnin around gonna hit the ground,
Gonna find me a ride out of Town,
And I ain't Never comin back.

No I'm Never comin' back this way again,
Never comin' Back this way at all'
Never comin' back this way again
No No No.....

Workin' on The Chain Gang.

One of the Hardest yet most enjoyable jobs I ever had was working for Mayacamus Vineyards. Mayacamus Winery is pretty much at the top of Mount Veeder above the Napa Valley. One season in particular stands out from all the rest. It was Planting time and we were a crew of about eight to ten people. One day as we were hard at our labors clearing rocks and digging holes to plant the young vines I was digging a hole about 10 feet or so from my good friend Gary B. Every now and then Gary would let out a loud groan, sort of like "OOOhgg".

He must have repeated this about four or five times when suudenly I heard some one else let out a "AAHH" Followed By Gary's "OOOhgg" Then another
"AAAHH". Every one must have noticed this because almost simultaneously the
Rest of the Crew chimed in with "Thats the sound of the men workin on the Chain Gang". That as you probably know are some lyrics to a song from the fifties or sixties. The fact that this song came to the minds of about 7 people at the same time has always astonished me.

At another time of the year Known as "The Crush" The grapes are picked and the proccess of making the wine begins. This was my favorite time of the year because following the picking of the grapes the Head wine maker for Mayacamus always threw a big party for the crew. Sometimes it would be at the top vineyard which is all the way on top of the mountain. From there we could almost see the entire San Francisco Bay on a clear day. They provided all the food and of course the Wine, Ah yes the Wine. Later in the evening there was a bon fire and people would bring guitars and there would be singing and a good time was had by all. We worked really hard but after all was said and done it was all soooo worth it.

Take Down The Bird Feeder

You buy a bird feeder. Hang it in your back yard. Within weeks there are hundreds of birds taking advantage of the flow of free and easily accessible food.



But then the birds start building nests in the eves of the house and every other conceivable place. Then comes the poop. It is everywhere. On the patio, The patio furniture etc. Then some of the birds start to get mean. Dive bombing you and squawking and demanding that you fill the feeder when ever it gets low on food, even though you have been feeding them out of your own pocket.



Soon you can't sit in your own back yard. If you take down the bird feeder within days the birds will disappear, and your yard will soon be as it was, Quite, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.



Hummm, lets see... The government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education etc. Then came the Illegals by the tens of thousands.



Suddenly taxes went up to pay for free services; small apts house up to five families, you have to wait six hours in an emergency room, your kids second grade class is behind the other schools because half the kids don't speak english. You have to press one to have your bank speak to you in english, and flags other than Old Glory are being waved by people demanding more rights and free liberties.



Maybe it's time the government took down the bird feeder, Ya think?

Some trust being gained?

For about the last six months or so I have been feeding the feral cat colony that lives in our apt. complex. the particular group that I feed consists of about eight to ten cats. There is one mother and I assume by the looks of the others that they are her offspring. I have never been able to get close to any of them until tonight. The mother and three of the younger cats actually came within a few feet of me as I was sitting the food and water down. Mama Cat as I call her almost let me pet her for the first time but at the last minute pulled back. But just the fact that she got that close to me was a nice feeling. It felt as though she was finally starting to trust me. There is one large male I call "Big Blackie" He looks to be very old and walks as if he has really bad arthritis or something. He has always been really friendly and enjoys tummy rubs and being petted. But lately he doesn't seem to want to be touched at all. I really think that he may be getting ready to die. I sure hope that I am the one to find him so that I can properly care for his body. I hate to think of him ending up in a dumpster or even worse just lying there to decompose.

July Rain?

I don't know exactly how long its been since it has rained here in July but I know its been quite a while. I was surprised this morning to wake up at 5:30 and find that it was raining. Not only was it raining but it was raining fairly hard. What really surprised me was that it was really warm out for 5:30 AM especially since it was raining. The good thing about it was that it made the air smell really clean and fresh. Well other than that there is not much to write about today. More Doctors appointments today and tomorrow. God I get sick of doctors offices. The office where Debbie's Dr. is has nothing to read except National Geographic that are at least 8 years old and Golf Digest. This would be OK except that I have already read the National geographics several times and I don't golf. Actually I don't do much of anything except cook and clean and do laundry and go grocery shopping and I am getting to where I don't even want to do that any more. Depression SUCKS! I can't wait till Sept when the auditions for Mid-Summer Nights Dream start. I really want to get involved in Theatre again. I used to love it sooooo much. I have been away from it for so long that I am afraid I may have lost my confidence. But I think I'll give it a shot anyway.

Is my faith being tested?

"When I think of Heaven
(Deliver me in a black-winged bird)
I think of flying down into a sea of pens and feathers
and all other instruments of faith and sex and God
in the belly of a black-winged bird
Don't try to feed me
I've been here before and I deserve a little more".


I feel lately as if my faith is being tested.
The Bible says "Give and ye shall receive"
But lately it seems as if all I do is give and give.
I don't want to sound like a complainer but I spend 99% of my time doing for others while all the while my needs fail to be met.
Sometimes I feel like giving up. Packing up a back pack and hitting the road for parts unknown. But then the guilt takes hold and I just continue on with the same old day to day drudgery. Maybe if I get a part in the play that I am planning to audition for I will feel better, I don't know.


"When I think of Heaven
(Deliver me in a black-winged bird)
I think of dying
Lay me down in a field of flame and heather
Render up my body into the burning heart of God in
the belly of a black-winged bird
Don't try to bleed me
I've been here before and I deserve a little more."

Oh Well, What the Hell...

Its Saturday and thats about all. Not much to write about today. I have been really depressed as of late. Don't really know why either. Cabin fever I guess. Only things that happened today were not so pleasant. First we were watching "Snakes On A Plane" on pay per view and just when the movie was getting good Comcast "On Demand" screwed up so we couldn't finish watching the movie. Then this Idiot in a silver Camaro that Plays his music really loud with super mega Bass pulls in the parking lot. I have had words with him in the past and asked him nicely to turn it down. But he is an ASSHOLE and now when he pulls in he drives by my apt. really slowley and turns it way up and laughs his ass off yelling "Hey, You Got a Head ache?" Just a real ASSHOLE. I don't want to feel hate for anyone but I am finding it hard to feel anything other than hate for this guy. He just seems to want to make me miserable.

Mean kids

I thought I was mad the other day, but what I saw today made my blood boil. I have been feeding the feral cats that live around our apt. complex. Today at the regular feeding time I took the tray of food out to where I feed the cats. As usual I sat the tray down and walked away. Within minutes there were five or six gathered around the tray eating. After I went in the house I heard some kids yelling and as I looked out the window I saw a couple of boys throwing rocks at the cats and one of them was taking the food away. I ran out side and was able to stop them before they got away. I asked them what in the hell they thought they were doing and they just responded"Having some fun, That's all" I said How would you like it if I threw rocks at you and took your food away. About this time one of the boys parents came out and asked me what was going on and I told her and she just laughed and said "Boys will be Boys, Besides their just cats" God I wanted to strangle her. Some people just have no sense of right and wrong.

Ok now I'm Pissed

Last night I was watching "Americas Got Talent. Among the contestants were several very talented singers, acrobats, and one guy in particular that twirled Batons lit on fire. His act was really good. When it came time to put people through to the next round of competition the judges which include David Hasslehoff, Sharon Osbourn, and a Brit by the name of Pierse Morgan, put through some ridiculous acts including some weird Indian dancer that looked like he was just gyrating in some random way that didn't even fit the music, Some guy that went by the name of "Boy Shakira", this guy was particularly awful. And a host of others that should not have been put through including
"Leonid The Magnificent" I don't even know what he did other than walk on stage wearing a bunch of flowers looking like the chiquita Banana Girl. One guy that could really sing well by the name of Byron was sent home even though I thought he was one of the best. I am beginning to think that the show is fixed just to create controversy. Any way I may not watch any more.


In other news, Al Sharpton once again made an Ass of himself on fox news Channel in a debate with Harvey Levins of TMZ.com. He was complaining saying that TMZ had called Beyonce a "Roboho". Try as he may Levins could not get Sharpton to realize that they weren't Calling her a Roboho but saying that the outfit she was wearing looked like a "Roboho Costume".Whatever that is, anyway, Sharpton still would not relent and even bordered on making it a racial issue as he so often does. Sharpton by any stretch of the imagination is not the sharpest crayon in the box. Come on Al, Get A grip.

When Hoss Cartwrights 10 gallon Hat was 15 Gallons.

Today I was watching a really old episode of "Bonanza". You know, the ones where Hoss's hat looked twice as big and little Joe's was really small. It reminded me of the good old days when television was worth watching. Today there are nothing but cop shows and reality shows. I really miss the days of the television westerns. Shows like Gunsmoke, Lancer, The High Chaparral, The Rifleman, Maverick just to name a few. I remember the whole family would gather around the tv to watch Gunsmoke or "The Wild Wild West" which my dad simply referred to as "WWW". Sunday night was the only night of the week that my mom would let me stay up past 9:00 so I could watch "The High Chaparral" with her. It was one of her favorite shows. Every time I see it in reruns I think of Sundays, Curled up on the couch with my mom watching the adventures of Big John Cannon. I miss my mom.

"Hershey" The Great "Mexican" Chocolate Bar?

I recently saw a piece on the local news about Hershey's Chocolate Co. It appears that hundreds if not thousands of Americans are going to lose their jobs because "Hershey" is closing its Oakdale Ca. plant and moving the operation to Mexico. An American company is laying off Amercan citizens and moving the entire Plant to Mexico. I for One will no longer buy Hershey Products. I hope any one that reads this will join me in this boycott. I am Now A "Nestles" man. And I do not think they should be allowed to use the slogan "Hershey The Great American Chocolate Bar" any Longer.

Another "Taxi Fiasco"

As if the problems I had with the local cab company on the Fourth of July weren't enough. The Following day I had to take my cat Winston to the vet. I called a cab, Put Winston in his carrier and off we went. After the appointment was over I called for a cab to return home. They said it would be about an hour. That was fine because I could wait in the air conditioned office. It was about 100* out side. When the cab showed up the driver informed me that he could not take me because he has "Ailurophobia"(fear of cats). Know I'm not the brightest person in the world but if I was a cab driver with a fear of cats I would not even accept a call to an "Animal Hospital". He had to know going in that the chances were that it was either a dog or a cat. They should have sent some one else. When I went back in the office I over heard a lady on the phone chewing out the cab company and telling them to send some one that could do their job.
It took about another 45 minutes but I finally got a cab home. It is hard to Imagine a grown man in his Sixties being afraid of a 5 month old kitten in a cage. But I understand that these phobias do exist.

And a Special shout out to my Buddy Keath. Thanks for the mention and compliment. Glad to hear Cindy's mom is coming soon. And ain't that overtime check a blessing? Keep up the good work.

I Think I can I Think I Can I Think I can

Yesterday was the fourth of July and Debbie and I went to the Suisun waterfront for the festivities. Well for part of them anyway. We wanted to see the Band "The California Cowboys". We got a cab into Suisun at about 4:30 and the band started at 5:30. We were able to get great seats on the lawn in front odf the stage with easy in and out access for her wheel chair. The Cowboys put on a great show. Knowing how difficult it would be to get a cab home if we stayed for the fireworks I decided to leave at 7:30 so we walked over to main street and I called for a cab. The dispatcher told me that they would not send one into downtown Suisun because of the traffic congestion. I explained to the dispatcher that there was hardly any traffic at this time and that it would be no problem getting in and out. Still they refused to send one and told me we would have to walk to the Fairfield side of the Railroad tracks. This posed a problem as Fairfield and Suisun are connected via a Pedestrian overpass that goes over the tracks. It is a steep incline and I knew that with Emphysema it would be a problem for me to push her over the bridge. As we were ascending The overpass all I could think about was the story about "The Little Engine That Could". I just kept saying to my self "I think I can, I think I can". After having to stop half way up and hit my inhaler we finally made it to the top where it becomes level. There I rested for about five minutes and the we proceeded to Descend the other side. It was all I could do to keep the chair from getting away from me. We finally made it to the other side and I called A cab and they said it would be about 10 minutes or so. The cab shows up and some other woman weent running to it and jumep in and the driver drove off.

I was so tired and pissed off at this point thatI called the dispacher back and told her what happened and she said she would send another cab in about 20 minutes. An hour later, No cab so I called back and she said it was on its way. Another hour goes by and No Cab. So I called back and she said that she only had one driver. The bussiest night of the year and only one driver. I could hardly believe that. I guess i got a little nasty and she said "What the hell You want Me to do?" I flatly said "I want you to quit telling me 10 t0 20 minutes when you know that is not the case. Then she responded with "Screw you Now im am not going to send one at all" So being as it was a 5 mile walk home I was forced to call back and apologize for nothing just to kiss her ass to get a cab home. The taxi service in Fairfield SUCKS!!!!!. I NEED A CAR!!!!!!

Blast From The Past

Over the last few weeks I have been trying to write a story about The time that my Mom Booked "Country Joe An The Fish" at the Napa Fairgrounds in 1967.
I was only 12 years old at the time so my memories are quite vague. I was there but I was On the other side of the building at the concession stand selling sodas and candy. All I remebered was that one of the band members was assualted by some one in the crowd. As the story went, when the next album came out there was a game on the back of the cover. It was something like a Dice or card game. and if you landed on Napa it said "YOU LOSE" . I was trying to get as much info as I could so I found Country Joe's Web site and sent an email to the "Contact Us" link. I asked if any one knew any thing about the incident. This morning when I checked my email there was an email from a guy Named Bruce. It said " Joe sent me your email, I am The guy who was Hit several times by several people" He gave me his phone number and I called him. Turns out he was the bass player For The Fish in the sixties. Wow, The internet is amazing. I never expected to get that kind of results that fast.

Winston Winston, where for art tho Winston

Man was I panicked this morning. I got up at 7:30 to feed the cats and noticed that Salem was there but I could not find Winston anywhere. I looked in all the cupboards that he usually gets into and in the bathroom, under the bed every where. Then I decided to use the cat treat caller that I have, it is a jar in the shape of a cat and when you open it to get the treats it meows like a cat and they come running. I opened it and Salem came but no Winston, suddenly I heard a faint cry from the Patio. Apparently my Dumb ass bro-in law went out to smoke a friggin cigarette and let the little guy out and he was locked outside all night long. This really upset me because neither he or Salem have been outside on their own yet. I really don't like them outside at all because of all the feral cats in the area. Poor little guy must have been frightened half to death.

The Other Shoe?

I wrote earlier about all the things that have happened in the last year concerning Debbie's Aunt Judy, her sister Donna, and Her uncle Tim. Last September her sister Donna passed from complications due to the Myotonic Dystrophy,Then 3 weeks later her uncle Tim, who was despondent over Aunt Judy being in a nursing home and never going to get any better committed suicide. Then on the 23rd of may aunt Judy passed away. Judy's first visit to the hospital was caused by a broken ankle that never really healed and then she went back with a severe case of pneumonia from which she never really recovered and the dystrophy just began to ravage her body till she finally passed. I've been wondering what the hell else could happen, when was the other shoe going to drop. Well today Debbie fell and I think she Broke her ankle. She fell in exactly the Same way as her Aunt Judy did. I am so afraid that if she gets laid up like Judy she will end up in the hospital and get worse and worse till she ends up just like Judy. The stress lately is unbearable. I just want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt in after me.

High Anxiety?

I really am at my witts end. I am so frustrated lately because my wife is having those damned anxiety attacks again. She is currently taking lorazapam and it has been helping but as of late she is having to double the dosage. Every thing seems fine untill round about sundown. Thats when she starts to feel them coming on. I know what they are like but When you are not the one having them it is hard to deal with because I just feel so helpless as to what to do. Actually there really isn't anything anyone can do that makes them any less severe. So I usually wait till she has taken the second lorazapam and then I leave the room untill she starts to feel better. Because If I stay in the room I begin to get short tempered with her and that makes things worse. Every time she sees a doctor and describes what she goes through, they just prescribe another pill that works for a while but then loses effectivness. I think the source of a lot of her anxiety is that she suffers from "cabin fever" because we don't have a car and she is dependent on her power scooter for mobility and that is limited as far as where she can take it, that and it only travels at 5 miles an hour. I really need to work on getting my license back and getting a vehicle. Then we will be able to go places and do things together again. Maybe that will help.

Early to bed, Early to rise, Makes a man, Freakin Tired before 4pm.

What a day. We had to get up at 5:30 am so we could be ready for Paratransit to pick us up at 7:am for an 8:am appointment with Debbie's eye doctor. It's only a fifteen minute drive but 7:am was the only time they had available. So we get there 45 minutes early and find that the office doesn't even open till 8am. I thought "That's strange, why would they give us an 8:am appointment" so we sit there till 8:40 and finally I ask the receptionist what happened to Deb's 8:am appointment? to which she replied, "her appointment is at 8:50, we don't schedule appointments for 8:00" I said "well that's what it says on the appointment card I have right here" as I pulled the card from my wallet I noticed that it did indeed say 8:50, but the person who wrote it wrote it so hastily that the 5 looked like a 0 and I just miss read it, so I just said oh I guess I don't have the card with me after all. I was really embarrassed. Remembering that paratransit was coming back for us at 9:30 I realized That there wasn't enough time so I called them to reschedule the return pick up time. As i figured they told me that they would have to squeeze us in when ever they could. So long story short we sat and waited for two and a half hours waiting to be picked up. So a 45 minute appointment turned into a 5 hour ordeal.

For Aunt Judy,We Love you.

Today our family gathered in Suisun city by the water to say goodbye to Debbie's aunt Judy. Judy wasn't just Debbie's aunt she was her best friend and soul mate. Judy actually died on the 23rd of last month but due to difficulties in transporting her remains from Santa Barbara to Fairfield she was Cremated there and we assume that her ashes were to be scattered On the ocean by the Neptune Society. Today was just a way for the family to get together and say goodbye formally. It started with a luncheon at a really nice small restaurant in old town Suisun. Suisun is a small town that is adjacent to Fairfield. The nice thing about Suisun is that it has a water front that is part of the Sacramento Delta waterway system. Ater the lunch which by the way was at a very nice place called "The Joy of Eating" the family walked accross the street to the waterfront. There we read Judy's favorite passage from the Bible and said a few prayers and then cast flowers on the water so the tide would carry them to the ocean where her ashes were scattered. She is survived by her sons Mark McBurney of Oregon and his wife Randee, Barry McBurney of Sacramento Ca. And Brandon McBurney of Suisun Ca. and Grandaughter Hailee McBurney of Oregon,

Sister Beverly Carroll of Winamac Indiana, and several Nieces and Nephews.

We would to specially thank Sharon and Ahmed Haffez for all their help in putting this memorial luncheon together. They are the parents Of Brandon's wife Sanaya.

Our father which art in Heaven

Hallowed be thy name

thy kingdom, thy will be done,

in Earth as it is in Heaven.

Goodbye Judy, We love you.

I have had some Pets in the past that had some strange habits, but none as weird as the one that both of my cats have developed. I have had cats that like to rub against or nuzzle on my leg and stuff like that but Winston and Salem have developed a routine that we go through every morning. When I go to the kitchen to fix their food Winston will go to my left foot and Salem to my right foot and they lick my little toes(pinkys). This has become an every morning thing and it is always the same, Winston on the left and Salem on the right.

I am thinking about taking a writing Class at our local community college this summer. I read my Friend Keath's Blog and I am so impressed with his gift for writing That I look forward to it every day and wish I could write like that, It seems like such a good way to get out the things that tend to clog up your mind. To get them out in the open without really having to say them to a real person.
For example; I find it hard to admit to any one how frustrated I am with my wife and her brother concerning their disability for fear that I might come across as uncaring, On the contrary, I do care, I'm Just human and sometimes I feel like I need a break from their constant neediness, Some time to not have to jump any time I hear a loud noise for fear it was one of them falling again or some time to just be able to go fishing by myself or camping for a few days.
It seems that when I want to get away for just a little while Debbie takes it personally and then we argue and things just go down hill from there.

Well so it appears That I am entering The "Whine Country" again so I'll close for now. I should be thinking of what I want to write concerning my mom's days as a concert promoter because there are so many neat stories to tell. I really need to get my sister to send me some of the memorobilia that she saved from the Teen Center days and the concerts at the Napa Fairgrounds. I am sure that would jog my memories..

How does a Fat Man Tie His Shoes?

Fat Man Eating in the dead of night
Take some chicken wings and learn to fry
What a life
such an appetite
You are only Waiting for your Pizza to arrive



I Was a Meth head for so many years that I was never over weight.
In fact I was always too thin. At one point I was 135 lbs. This was really skinny because I am a little more than 6 ft. tall. Now since I've been clean for years it's just the opposite, I'm 255lbs and I don't know how to lose it. My weight gain seems to be all in my stomach area and that makes things like Tying my shoes a real pain in the ass.
I will never,ever, take little things like tying my shoes or bending over to pet my cat for granted again. And oh yea , my neighbors kid called me "lumpy" today, he meant in a joking way but it still felt weird. I've never been FAT before. I've heard people say that they ate because they were depressed and thought "Thats just an excuse"But now I know exactly what they meant. I've just replaced the drugs with food. This scares the hell out of me because I have , just for a second considered doing meth again to lose weight. But I know that if I did that I would be dead in no time .

Rosie O'Donnell and the "Price Is Wrong"

I don't Really watch the "Price is Right" all that much but it is my mentaly handicapped stepsons Favorite show of all time. He enjoys it so much that I have to record a weeks worth of episodes so that when he comes for his Once monthly week end visits he can watch them when he likes. His favorite part seems to be the introduction of the host because he exclaims along with the announcer, "And now here's the host of the Price is Right, BOB BARKER! He gets a huge smile on his face and giggles with delight. I am wondering how Bob's Departure from the show is going to effect "Danny" He is 27 years old(mental capacity about 11) Bob Barker has been the host all his life. I am probably worried over nothing but for "kids" like him routine is very important.

I have been hearing that Rosie O'Donnell is in the running to replace Bob Barker. If this Happens I think it will be the beginning of the end for the show.
Not that I think she couldn't do the job its just that since her remarks concerning 9/11 and accusing Americans of being behind it I don't think she is very popular, That and I personally Think she is Disgusting. But thats just my opinion.

Race Cat Hour

I've known for a while that My cats,Winston and Salem Have what I call "Race Cat Hour" at least several Times in a 24 hour period, usually late at night or early in the morning. Its been a while since We have had cats and I had forgotten how rowdy they can get. Until now "Race cat hour" has consisted of merely chasing each other around in circles and behind the couch and such but this morning was a different story. Every waste basket in the house was overturned as well as the garbage container in the Kitchen. The venetian Blinds in the kitchen are now bent all to hell and several of my wife's porcelain Dolls were knocked over, luckily none broke. Guess it's time to Kitty proof the apartment, Ya think.

Perspective.

I have been thinking that I have been doing a awful lot of bitching and moaning about my lot in life lately and Quoting Adam Duritz Lyrics and all when there are a lot of people with a lot more problems than I. At least I have food to eat and a roof over my head and some sort of medical ins. So I figure all in all it ain't that bad and that it is time to do something on this Blog for the good lord. Therefore I Submit some of my own lyrics that I wrote on the spur of the moment in church a few years back when pastor Dan asked me to play a song and I was Just drawing a blank trying to think of a song that I knew that was appropriate for church.

" All Aboard" By R.K.Savage

All aboard, All aboard
There's a Train bound for Heaven
All Aboard
When I get to the Station
There will be no Hesitation
There's a train bound for Heaven
All Aboard.

There have been times when I was scared
But through the love of my Savior I was spared
Yea If you take a real good look
at the words in the good book
There's a Train Bound for Heaven All Aboard

All Aboard, All Aboard
There's a Train Bound for Heaven, All Aboard
Yea he's got your Reservation
for your final destination
On a train bound for Heaven, All Aboard.

Sleeps Sweet Release.

I wrote earlier about a dream(nightmare) I had in which I sold one of my kidneys so that I could buy a new Bed, only to have my other kidney shut down. I don't usually have Bad dreams. on the contrary I generally look forward to sleeping and dreaming as a form of escape from reality. I will dream of my days working in the music business or of the days when I was involved in theatre or something like that only to awaken with the sun to my reality.

Again I am reminded of lyrics written By Adam Duritz:

Hey, I only want the same as anyone
Henderson is waiting for the sun
Oh, it seems night endlessly begins and ends
After all the dreaming I come Home again
******************************************************
I'm almost drowning in her sea
she's nearly crawling on her knees
She's "Almost" everything I need
I'm down on my knees
I'm down on my knees.

You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself to make yourself FORGET!

When I get up in the morning the first thing I usually do is have my coffee while checking out my friend Keaths Blog. This morning I was surprised and Pleased to see that he referred to me as his "New Best Friend" I would like to take this opportunity to say that the feeling is mutual. Recently I had posted some lyrics to a song By "Counting Crows" called "Anna Begins" on my Blog. This song holds special significance because of the what I am Dealing with due to Debbies illness. When I read Keath's Blog this morning I was blown away at his take on the lyrics, I have never heard it put so well. Alot of times when I am feeling depressed and alone in all the chaos that surrounds me I will slap on a set of headphones put that CD in the player and go away for a little while.



I have also noticed that with all the similarities in our relationships with our wives there are also some significant differences. Where as Cindy will give Him a hug and ask if she is bothering him Debbie would just prefer to bother me.

It seems as if after 26 years of marriage we are drifting farther and farther apart instead of becoming closer. The only time we seem to really get along any more is when we are in church on sunday and I am begining to wonder if that is just for show. At times I feel as if I love her just as much as I ever did and at times I don't even like her any more. and I am sure that the feeling is mutual alot of the time. There a weeks that we get along and really try hard to please each other and then there are times when we say hurtful things to each other and I feel like I just want out.



Debbie's Disability Is a disease called "Myotonic Dystrophy". It is a degenerative muscle disease that also effects motor function and mental functions. It is a hereditary condition that has taken the lives of her first born son and most recently her Favorite Aunt."Judy" due to complications from the Dystrophy and Pneumonia That landed her in a rest home about 5 years ago where she just languished in and out of comas till finally passing away last month. So I take care of her and her Brother who is also afflicted with this terrible disease, They are both able still able to walk, somewhat with the help of a cane or walker and Debbie has a scooter to get around town, But when it comes to house work, shopping, remembering DR appointments, Medication etc. It is all on me, And my problems and needs seem to fall by the way side. I hope that i don't sound Like whiner but But right now i just really need some "Me" time. Case in point, at this very moment I am trying to write this while at the same time answer Questions from Debbie that I truely believe are designed just to draw attention away from the computer to her, I only spend about an hour a day or so on the computer which I don't think is unreasonable but to hear her talk about it I am on it "all" day long. I have even tried writing late at night (2AM) but if I am not in the Bed and she wakes up she comes into the kitchen and complains about my being up, Oh shit I am whining, I guess I better stop for now cause I start to ramble when I get like this.



I never realized the Relevance that "Anna Begins" has in my life.



How I feel right now:



With the status of my emotions

oh, she says, "you're changing".

But we're always changing



It does not bother me to say this isn't love

because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't

love

and I guess I'm gonna have to live with that

But i'm sure there's

something in a shade

of grey, or

something in between

and I can always

change my name

if thats what you

mean.

A Bed, Bed, My Kidney for a Bed?

I've Known for a long tome that we needed a new bed but last night was the final Straw. I am sleeping in a hole the size of the Grand Canyon and Debbies side of the bed is just one big mass of lumps. The only comfortable spot is right in the middle of the mattress.

I am so desperate for a new Bed that last night I had a dream that It became legal to sell one of your Kidneys for profit, so I put one of mine on the market, and as luck would have it I was able to sell one of my kidneys for quite a handsome some of money. More than enough to buy a great bed. The only Problem is , I am related to "Murphy" You know, The Guy whos law says that if something can go wrong it will go wrong, Yep you guessed it. My other Kidney shut down. I guess I'll put a piece of plywood under the mattress and use it a while longer.

There is no Gravity, Earth Sucks.

Today has been just one of those days. I'm an asshole, I must be an asshole cause my wife says I'm an asshole. Not only has it been one of those days that she doesn't feel well its been one of those days when I really don't care, I mean I do care I'm just tired of caring. One of the cats is sick and wont eat and I can't figure out what is wrong with him and I can't afford to take him to the vet at this time so I just have to hope he gets better. My Brother in-law is convinced wrestling is real and that really bugs me, I know it shouldn't but it does. Every car that pulls in the complex is playing really loud Rap music, hell everything is getting on my last nerve today, Am I an asshole because I am tired of hearing about and dealing with someone Else's Problems? I just need a break and I don't know how to get one without feeling guilty. Another thing that is bothering me is when I get like this I smoke.

"Hollow Hedge"

Hollow Hedge was a secret place, an invisible place. It was located in a field along a sound barrier wall than ran beside interstate 80. Hollow Hedge was the summer campsite of my friend "Ocean" He created it by hollowing out the large hedge that grew beside the sound wall and lining it on the inside with black plastic tarping, this made it virtually invisible. Every so often the police would sweep the area of homeless camps and remove the cardboard boxes and the shopping carts and what have you, but they failed to locate "Hollow Hedge" Like I said before, he was "the" most resourceful person I have ever known. Inside Hollow Hedge he had his bedroll, his personal belongings as well as a small library of books and a battery operated TV with headphones and a radio, basically all the comforts of home. When I say it was invisible I mean you could be standing 5 feet away and never know it was there.

Tides In...

I referred in an earlier Post to my best friend named "Ocean" I put his name In quotes because of the way he always signed his notes that he would leave if he came to visit and we weren't at home. Actually the note would simply consist of an "X". That would mean that "Ocean" had been there. It was sort of his "Zorro" Mark, He would leave it in motel rooms, on street signs, bathroom walls, every where he went. To this day If I look hard enough I can still find these "X"s around town, On street light post, on stop signs and etched in the mirrors of certain motel rooms. When ever he would come to visit who ever answered the door would exclaim "Tides In" That meant that "Ocean was at the door. Born and raised in San Francisco's Haight Ashbury district he was what some would call a hippy or "Street Person". In all the years I knew him he never really had a place of residence., But when asked if he was homeless he would reply "I'm not homeless, I live in Fairfield". I was told that he never went beyond the 7th or 8th grade but despite this fact he was one of the most intelligent and resourceful people I had ever known. He could fix just about anything using the most off the wall methods and substitute parts you could imagine,but it always worked. He always carried Duct Tape and super glue wherever he went and if some one needed something like a certain fuse or a certain type screw or bolt or what ever there was a good chance that he had it on his truck that we called the "The Dinosaur" More about that later. He was also quite a musician and played Bass fiddle and some saxophone. He had a 1949 Epiphone stand up Bass and could play it like nobodys business. Unfortunately He kept it at a friends house and there was a fire and well you can guess the rest. There is a lot more to tell about this unique individual but I will leave it here for now.



To be continued.....

Happy Fathers Day

Just want to take this opportunity to wish all the dads out there a happy Fathers Day.

The Adventure Fizzles Out....

Yesterday I attempted to write about an adventure I had in the summer of 1979 but I am finding it hard to do because of all the distractions going on around me, that and I am a crappy writer. It is a shame because there is so much to tell, Like two guys being in charge of an entire beach with tons of girls all vying for a free pass to the concert, or how Doug Kershaws Bus got stuck in the sand , or how I kind of saved the day by diving on and rolling up in a piece of canvas that had came loose in the wind and was threatening to knock a band member From the stage. One thing in particular that I will always remember is on the night before the concert which was a two day event, There was a crowd of locals gathered by the south gate to Johnson's beach. While Steve was making Rounds along the fence line I was standing by the gate making conversation with some of the locals. at one point I decided that I just might take a hit Of LSD that had been givin to me by one of the girls I mentioned I assume as a bribe trying to get a pass or something. It was a very small hit of purple barrel. As I pulled it from my pocket it fell onto the blacktop drive way. There was no moon and even with a flash light I could not see it because of its size and color. All of a sudden I here a voice exclaim "There it is" I looked over to see this guy with a what I call a flat brimmed hobo hat holding up his hand with something between his fingers, I said, " Man if you could see that in this light you deserve to keep it"This incident has special significance as this person would re-enter my life some 5 years later purely by coincidence. His name was "Ocean" and he became my very best friend in the world. Debbie and I met In 1980 and Married in 81 and moved to Fairfield where In 1984 We met a guy by The Name of Jim D. We hosted a small party at our apartment and invited him and he brought a friend. As I was telling them the story of the country music festival and I got to the part about the guy who found the LSD his friend Ocean exclaimed "OH MY GOD" I knew you looked familiar. He was the same guy that I had met ever so briefly on that dark moonless night 5 years earlier nearly 100 miles away on Johnson's Beach. We remained very close till he sadly passed away in early 2000. I will try and write more about the time I spent in Guerneville sometime in the future.



To my Friend "Ocean" wherever you are.

GOD SAVE A WAVE....

The Adventure Begins

I am starting to realize that this Blog has been very beneficial to my memory.
I was thinking last night about The summer of 1979(?). I was out of work at the time and my old lady had left me, took my daughter and moved to Washington State. I had a Oldsmobile Vista cruiser station wagon that I was living in at the time and my Friend Steve suggested that we pack it up and head for the Russian river area for the summer. We each had about $20 and a few food stamps and figured we would be able to pick up some odd jobs in the area since it was summer time and the river area would be teaming with tourism. By the time we reached Guerneville, a small tourist town on the Russian river in Sonoma county we had about $7.50 left between us. We had been camping out for about a week or so and by this time we both were in desperate need of a bath and clean clothes so we flipped a coin to see if we should do laundry or eat.
Heads we would eat and tails we would do laundry. Steve flipped a coin and tails it was. We pulled in to the local laundromat and while we were washing clothes I noticed a bullitin board. Among the cars for sale and the vacation rentals and canoe trips I spotted a small piece of paper that read"Day Laborer needed" It said to inquire with Rosie at the Guerneville chamber of commerce. We finished washing our clothes, Packed them back in the car an headed into town. We found a parking place near Johnson's beach in downtown Guerneville and asked a local resident where the chamber of commerce was located, they kindly pointed us in the right direction and we started off on a walk that would change my summer and the next two years of my life.

Rosie was the nice lady who worked as a secretary in the chamber of commerce. We told her that we were there in response to the add that was posted in the laundromat. She comfirmed that she did have one job available at the time and that it involved some heavey duty yard work that consisted of clearing a small field of weeds. Now Since there were two of us we figured that if we both worked at it we would get it done in half the time , but when we arrived and found that the "weeds" were in fact "Thistles" Steve said no way was he going to get cut up for $3.50 an hour. But knowing we needed the money I accepted the Job. Steve said he would go back to town and look for something else. I worked for about 6-7 hours and finished the job and the owner of the property said that I did such a good job that he was going to give me an extra $10, I think he just felt sorry for me because of our situation. Any way I returned to the chamber office to find Steve relaxing of the bench in font of the office with a big smile on his face."We both have jobs starting tomorrow at 6 am." It turns out that while I was busting my ass in a field of thistle Steve had managed some how to meet up with the owner of the local hardware store who was also in charge of the building of a huge stage on Johnson's Beach for the upcoming Country music festival. The pay was $7 an hour which for 1979 was really good money. and so began an adventure that I feel very fortunate to have been a part of.

To Be Continued.

It's in the triple digits today and the AC isn't working very well. I expect it to be about 104 by 5 pm. I was looking through my old guitar case last night and came across a song that I wrote for my daughter on her first Birthday.I had forgotten all about it. Her mother and I had split up and they moved 800 miles away to the state of Washington. She has never heard it and since we don't have much of a relationship I really don't think she ever will, But I thought I would post it here just fror the hell of it. May be some day she will stumble upon this blog and read it.



When it's snowing outside

and your in the house

with your warm pajamas on

your mamas in the kitchen fixin dinner for you

and all your companys gone

theres a fire roarin in the fireplace and

your playing with your toys

listen to this song your daddy wrote

it will tell of my joy



At 2:43 they handed to me

such a beautiful little girl

your eyes were so blue

baby I'm tellin you

my heart was set in a whirl

I held you close and

I felt you breath and

I thank the Lord above

For giving me such a beautiful little girl.



Written for Tyann November 19, 1979

August and Everything After.....

I have been corresponding lately with a guy that I met through commenting on his blog. Of all The Blogs out there what are the chances that I would stumble upon some one that I have so much in common with. The sad thing is that the things we have in common, at least the main thing is that our wives are in really poor health. I seems as if my entire life is devoted to taking care of her problems while at the same time ignoring my own health. With all the things I have to deal with it is occurring to me that my problems are minuscule in comparison to those of my new friend's. There are nights when I cannot fall asleep because I am anticipating My wife's next complaint. But then I realize that at least she is here and not in the hospital. The last time she was in the hospital I feared she may not return home, she had a severe case of Pneumonia. This is particularly dangerous for someone with her condition. Her aunt had a severe case and ended up in a nursing home where she languished for several years before finally passing away last month. My new Friends wife seems to be in the hospital more often than she is home. I can imagine what that must be like and how you can probably become numb to it.

But I'm not going to break
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not going to bend, and i'm not going to break and
I'm not going to worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is Love..."
But it's not all that easy so maybe I should
snap her up in a butterfly net
pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried I've done this sort of thing before
But then I start to think about the consequences
because I don't get no sleep in a quite room and....

This time when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away and
Anna begins to change
my mind
And every time she
sneezes I believe it's
Love and
Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

She's talking in her sleep It's keeping me awake
and Anna begins to toss and turn
and every word is nonsense but I understand and
Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing.

"Anna Begins" .....Words by Adam Duritz.

To my new Friend. Hang In there.

Bumpin and Barbacueing

Well its been another night of very little sleep for me. Last night I was able to fall asleep fairly quickly. At first I didn't know what woke me up around 12:45. I just remember hearing my heart beat very heavily. Then when I was more awake I realized it wasn't my heart at all . It was a group of about 12-15 teenagers
dancing and gyrating to the beat of some dreadful so called music coming from a car parked no more than 30 feet from my bedroom window. The same loud major bass note pounding over and over and over again. The vibration was enough to make my bedroom window virate and rattle. It is beyond me how some young people today can have so little respect for others that they would do something like that at that time of the night in that location knowing that there are people sleeping such a short distance away. It is not just at night either that these loud car stereos are a problem. It seems to have became a competition to see who can "BUMP" the loudest as they pull into the complex, Or as they leave. It seems to be never ending. Our local laws have a noise pollution ordinance but the Police are reluctant to inforce it. I honestly believe that this is because most of the offenders are minorities and the dont want to be acused of racism. The manager of our complex told me to my face that that is the reason she is having a hard time doing anything about the teens who hang out in the parking lot at night, The corporate lawers have advised her that they may be acused of racism because most of the teens involved are minorities.
and unless she can prove that the are dealing drugs or what ever, there isn't much she can do. What the hell does that mean? If they were Caucasian then she could do something? Hummm, sounds like racism to me. No I am not a racist, I just think the rules should apply to everyone. For example. When we moved here we were told that the complex does not allow BBQing because of past fire damage. Get this, The manager is hispanic and guess which tenants get away with BBQing over and over again. My neighbors who were a very nice Black family BBQed one time and were givin a 30 day notice to get rid of the BBQ pit or face eviction. Hummm sounds like racism to me.

Cats And Dogs

I have had plenty of Cats in my life time but for the past 14 years we have had Dogs. We lost our beloved Huckleberry a few years ago , he past away at the age of 14. The poor old guy had arthritis so bad and was having seizures regularly. Then last September we lost our little guy "Cody" to cancer, we had had him for at least 13 years. I told my self that we were not going to get another dog because I didn't want to get attached to another pet that was eventually going to die, so I suggested that we get a couple of Cats thinking that I wont get attached. WRONG! Winston and Salem are only about 5 1/2 months old and I am already attached to them. I now know what the major difference is between Cats and Dogs. A dog will look at you and think to itself " Hey, You give me food and shelter, YOU must be a God". A cat on the other hand will look at you and think to itself " Hey, you give me food and shelter , "I" must be a God."

Longing for the Good old Days

I've been sitting here listening to John Denver music and thinking what a loss it was to the music world when he died. I can think of only a couple of artists that touch me as spiritually and as emotionally as he does. I guess the other one would be Cat Stevens. I can listen to their music for hours on end and never tire of it.

Some of my favorite memories are those of playing this music when I was in my late teens and early twenties. My girlfriend at the time was a very talented singer and piano player named Nannette. My best recollections are of a small pizza and beer restaurant called "Apple Jacks".

Friday and Saturday nights were open mike and a lot of local musicians would come and entertain. I particularly enjoyed this place because the audiences were mostly musicians and people that were involved in local theatre, I think they make the best audience to perform for. When I listen to songs Like "Sunshine on My Shoulder"
or "Poems Prayers And Promises" I can still hear Nannette's Harmonies,(Such a beautiful voice)I truly loved to sing with her. Oh if we could only go back. I often wonder what ever became of her. We lost touch many years ago.

Every so often a group of us would pack up the acoustic guitars and a couple of bongos or congas and hike to the top of Mt. Veeder and climb to the top of a place called saddle rock. We would sit and drink wine and play all day long as we looked out over the beautiful Napa Valley. I really wish one of us had thought to take a camera along, but then again we were just living in the moment I guess.