Sooner or Later

It's 4:30 AM on a Tuesday,
It doesn't get much worse than this,
In beds, in rooms, in Buildings,
In the middle of these lives which are completely meaningless.
Please help me stay awake I'm falling,
asleep in perfect blue buildings,
beside the green apple sea,
Just wanna get me a little oblivion baby,
and try and keep myself away from
myself and me.
---------------------------------------------A.Duritz
Sooner or later you wake up in the morning and realize that there are more days behind you than in front of you. Sooner or later you realize that the names in the obituaries are the same as the names in your high school year book.
At one point in my life I wanted to be a television repairman. I was always rather good with electronic things and I was always building something or another with spare parts. I remember when I was laid up in a body cast in a hospital bed at home(Fractured By Back in Gym class) I was always having to call some one to come and change the tv channel for me or turn the volume up or down or the set on or off etc. So I devised a remote control device of sorts using the the rotisserie motor from a BBQ grill, this was attached to the tv tuner shaft and the power cord was plugged into a box I built with a toggle switch. To change the channel I simply hit the switch and the motor would slowly rotate and turn the channel. It had no reverse so to get back to another channel you simply went through them all till you got back to where you were. It also had a volume control and an on/off switch for the TV.
As you can tell I had a lot of time on my hands then.

Another little device I remember was something that I built using a kit that my mom brought me from Radio Shack. It was a 100 in 1 spring board electronic kit that came with a large circuit board with springs on it and a supply of diodes, transistors, resistors, volume pots and such. It had schematics that you would follow to build different things. One of the best and actually the most useful was an AM Transmitter that had a variable setting. It came with a microphone and you could set an am radio to an unused frequency and broadcast your voice over the radio. This was supposed to only be used with the 9 volt battery and an antenna not exceeding 18 inches. But after I got out of the cast and was able to do so I promptly upped the voltage to 12 volts an hooked it up to a roof top TV antenna
and instead of the microphone I hooked up the audio out put wires from a record player and VOILA my own am radio station that could be heard as far as my Friends house which was at least 7-8 blocks away as the crow flys on a good clear day and maybe further at night. I think this is what inspired me to take a broadcasting class at school which Resulted in the opportunity to work as a disc Jockey and radio host on our local high school radio show once a week on the local station KVON. It was Called "Cruising" with Ron Savage and Dana Mitchell. This was one of the most memorable and happiest times of my life. In fact I will write about it in another post and go into more detail. It is something I have always been especially proud of.

Is my faith being tested?

"When I think of Heaven
(Deliver me in a black-winged bird)
I think of flying down into a sea of pens and feathers
and all other instruments of faith and sex and God
in the belly of a black-winged bird
Don't try to feed me
I've been here before and I deserve a little more".


I feel lately as if my faith is being tested.
The Bible says "Give and ye shall receive"
But lately it seems as if all I do is give and give.
I don't want to sound like a complainer but I spend 99% of my time doing for others while all the while my needs fail to be met.
Sometimes I feel like giving up. Packing up a back pack and hitting the road for parts unknown. But then the guilt takes hold and I just continue on with the same old day to day drudgery. Maybe if I get a part in the play that I am planning to audition for I will feel better, I don't know.


"When I think of Heaven
(Deliver me in a black-winged bird)
I think of dying
Lay me down in a field of flame and heather
Render up my body into the burning heart of God in
the belly of a black-winged bird
Don't try to bleed me
I've been here before and I deserve a little more."