the crying has started again

God the crying has started again. I just can't seem to stop myself. I miss her so bad I hurt all over. Nothing I do seems to help me take my mind of of it. I will be ok one minute, then I look up and expect to see her standing there and I start to cry like a baby when I realize that she is really gone forever. I miss her touch, her smell, her voice, I even miss her complaining. I would give anything to hear her complain again. I hope that I can build the strength to get through this. I am truely scared to Death of a Future without her. Right now I feel like I have no Future. I have smoked so many cigarettes in the past to weeks that my throat hurts and the worry gene in me is afraid I have cancer or something which is compounding my anxiety. I feel empty and useless at this point.