Throwing out the past.

Today I began the process of prying myself away from my past Life with Debbie. I am in the position of having to let go of nearly EVERyTING that was "OURS". It is one of the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. My sister suggested that I do one garbage bag a day, so today I did two. All of her stuffed animals that were not in good enough condition to sell at a yard sale, Clothes, and various other Items. It was hard to do as my eyes were filled with Tears as I threw each item in the dumpster. I need to Drastically Down size so I can move to a rented Room somewhere. I can only keep small mementos of her and our Picture albums. I have to have some one else take Our Cat Salem to the SPCA because I can't do it. She is the Last Living connection to my Prior life with Deb as she was her Cat. I miss you my Love.

Living here alone since My wife passed away has begun to take it's toll on me. The Loneliness is almost Unbearable at times. To be perfectly honest there are times when I feel like I just want to end my Life. The only Problem Is that I have always been taught that suicide is the ONE unforgivable sin in the eyes of God. The Other problem is just how to do it. I am to much of a coward to do anything that would be painful and I am afraid that if I took an overdose of pills I would change my mind only too late to summon help. Hell I don't know what to do.

Now they are all gone.

This is my first post in quite a while. Since I last posted anything on this blog The Dystrophy Has Taken the last of Them. First my son Daniel Feb 14 2009, Then My Wife Debbie,Feb 14 2010, Now My Brother in law who has lived with me for 15 years, April 12 2011. They are all now gone and I am left here alone with just memories of them. Losing Buck(bro in law) was akin to losing a second son as he lived with us for so long and I was his primary caregiver. I just can't wrap my head around it, how could a loving God take them all from me in such a short period of time. I hardly had time to properly Grieve for one before he took another. Just sayin.