I'm going through a period of depression right now that has me so down and confused about everything. I must have inherited the "Worry Gene" from my mom because like her I worry about everything. I worry about things I have no control over. The Cyst,(or should I say Cysts) in my throat are becoming more noticeable(Or so I think) so I naturally am worried that it could be cancer or something. I worry about stupid things like if the guy next door is going to keep me up all night again gunning the engine of his car every time he leaves the complex on what could only be drug runs because he is in an out of here every 15-20 minutes for hours it seems. He starts up about 11:00-11:30 and continues till about 2 or so. I have tried wearing earplugs but it doesn't help because the deep throated rumble of the motor just shakes the whole building and I feel it as much as hear it. I constantly worry about my income due to the state budget and what will become of us if I lose a big chunk of it. I am constantly worrying about Debbie every time we go somewhere and she does not use her wheel chair, she falls so often and usually hits her head in exactly the same spot. She just falls over like a tree and SMACKS! the back of her head on the ground. Last time she had to have staples put in to hold the wound closed and she lost an awful lot of blood. I am really worry about her Brother too because he is getting to the point where he can hardly walk or even stand up from a chair and I foresee my future wiping another grown mans ass. I already have that "Pleasure" with Debbie's son Danny. I now its not his fault but it is different now that he is 28 years old. I should add that he is not a normal grown man, he suffers from the same disease his mom has and is also mentally retarded. Nothing seems to go right lately. I used to believe that God would not give me any thing I couldn't handle. Now sometimes I feel so confused And Beaten. I am like the Agnostic,Dyslexic,Insomniac who stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a DOG.
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2 comments:
I hear you, man. I hear you loud and clear. You've got a lot on your hands, for sure. You know me, though, I ain't got no solutions but I find that in reading your tales of woe, mine don't seem so bad in comparison. Take heart in that if you can. What has happened to our faith? Mine is eroding so fast. I need a miracle or a sign or something. I feel like I'm in God's restaurant and all of the disciples are waiters and I ask them for bread and they all say, "Sorry, not my table."
things are rough no doubt, and i feel your pain.
try this, think positive. only think thoughts of the things you want and would like to have or have happen. if you dwell on the negative and keep attiontion focuesed there, that is what you will draw to yourself, the universe is awesome and can and will bring you what it thinks you want and so if all your thoughts are negitive that is what will be drawn to you, on the ohter hand if you get in tune with nature and keep healthy positive thoughts the force of the universe will deliver to you what you desire. dont lose faith, believe in good. belive in god for he lives with in us all.
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