The Other Shoe?

I wrote earlier about all the things that have happened in the last year concerning Debbie's Aunt Judy, her sister Donna, and Her uncle Tim. Last September her sister Donna passed from complications due to the Myotonic Dystrophy,Then 3 weeks later her uncle Tim, who was despondent over Aunt Judy being in a nursing home and never going to get any better committed suicide. Then on the 23rd of may aunt Judy passed away. Judy's first visit to the hospital was caused by a broken ankle that never really healed and then she went back with a severe case of pneumonia from which she never really recovered and the dystrophy just began to ravage her body till she finally passed. I've been wondering what the hell else could happen, when was the other shoe going to drop. Well today Debbie fell and I think she Broke her ankle. She fell in exactly the Same way as her Aunt Judy did. I am so afraid that if she gets laid up like Judy she will end up in the hospital and get worse and worse till she ends up just like Judy. The stress lately is unbearable. I just want to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt in after me.

High Anxiety?

I really am at my witts end. I am so frustrated lately because my wife is having those damned anxiety attacks again. She is currently taking lorazapam and it has been helping but as of late she is having to double the dosage. Every thing seems fine untill round about sundown. Thats when she starts to feel them coming on. I know what they are like but When you are not the one having them it is hard to deal with because I just feel so helpless as to what to do. Actually there really isn't anything anyone can do that makes them any less severe. So I usually wait till she has taken the second lorazapam and then I leave the room untill she starts to feel better. Because If I stay in the room I begin to get short tempered with her and that makes things worse. Every time she sees a doctor and describes what she goes through, they just prescribe another pill that works for a while but then loses effectivness. I think the source of a lot of her anxiety is that she suffers from "cabin fever" because we don't have a car and she is dependent on her power scooter for mobility and that is limited as far as where she can take it, that and it only travels at 5 miles an hour. I really need to work on getting my license back and getting a vehicle. Then we will be able to go places and do things together again. Maybe that will help.

Early to bed, Early to rise, Makes a man, Freakin Tired before 4pm.

What a day. We had to get up at 5:30 am so we could be ready for Paratransit to pick us up at 7:am for an 8:am appointment with Debbie's eye doctor. It's only a fifteen minute drive but 7:am was the only time they had available. So we get there 45 minutes early and find that the office doesn't even open till 8am. I thought "That's strange, why would they give us an 8:am appointment" so we sit there till 8:40 and finally I ask the receptionist what happened to Deb's 8:am appointment? to which she replied, "her appointment is at 8:50, we don't schedule appointments for 8:00" I said "well that's what it says on the appointment card I have right here" as I pulled the card from my wallet I noticed that it did indeed say 8:50, but the person who wrote it wrote it so hastily that the 5 looked like a 0 and I just miss read it, so I just said oh I guess I don't have the card with me after all. I was really embarrassed. Remembering that paratransit was coming back for us at 9:30 I realized That there wasn't enough time so I called them to reschedule the return pick up time. As i figured they told me that they would have to squeeze us in when ever they could. So long story short we sat and waited for two and a half hours waiting to be picked up. So a 45 minute appointment turned into a 5 hour ordeal.

For Aunt Judy,We Love you.

Today our family gathered in Suisun city by the water to say goodbye to Debbie's aunt Judy. Judy wasn't just Debbie's aunt she was her best friend and soul mate. Judy actually died on the 23rd of last month but due to difficulties in transporting her remains from Santa Barbara to Fairfield she was Cremated there and we assume that her ashes were to be scattered On the ocean by the Neptune Society. Today was just a way for the family to get together and say goodbye formally. It started with a luncheon at a really nice small restaurant in old town Suisun. Suisun is a small town that is adjacent to Fairfield. The nice thing about Suisun is that it has a water front that is part of the Sacramento Delta waterway system. Ater the lunch which by the way was at a very nice place called "The Joy of Eating" the family walked accross the street to the waterfront. There we read Judy's favorite passage from the Bible and said a few prayers and then cast flowers on the water so the tide would carry them to the ocean where her ashes were scattered. She is survived by her sons Mark McBurney of Oregon and his wife Randee, Barry McBurney of Sacramento Ca. And Brandon McBurney of Suisun Ca. and Grandaughter Hailee McBurney of Oregon,

Sister Beverly Carroll of Winamac Indiana, and several Nieces and Nephews.

We would to specially thank Sharon and Ahmed Haffez for all their help in putting this memorial luncheon together. They are the parents Of Brandon's wife Sanaya.

Our father which art in Heaven

Hallowed be thy name

thy kingdom, thy will be done,

in Earth as it is in Heaven.

Goodbye Judy, We love you.

I have had some Pets in the past that had some strange habits, but none as weird as the one that both of my cats have developed. I have had cats that like to rub against or nuzzle on my leg and stuff like that but Winston and Salem have developed a routine that we go through every morning. When I go to the kitchen to fix their food Winston will go to my left foot and Salem to my right foot and they lick my little toes(pinkys). This has become an every morning thing and it is always the same, Winston on the left and Salem on the right.

I am thinking about taking a writing Class at our local community college this summer. I read my Friend Keath's Blog and I am so impressed with his gift for writing That I look forward to it every day and wish I could write like that, It seems like such a good way to get out the things that tend to clog up your mind. To get them out in the open without really having to say them to a real person.
For example; I find it hard to admit to any one how frustrated I am with my wife and her brother concerning their disability for fear that I might come across as uncaring, On the contrary, I do care, I'm Just human and sometimes I feel like I need a break from their constant neediness, Some time to not have to jump any time I hear a loud noise for fear it was one of them falling again or some time to just be able to go fishing by myself or camping for a few days.
It seems that when I want to get away for just a little while Debbie takes it personally and then we argue and things just go down hill from there.

Well so it appears That I am entering The "Whine Country" again so I'll close for now. I should be thinking of what I want to write concerning my mom's days as a concert promoter because there are so many neat stories to tell. I really need to get my sister to send me some of the memorobilia that she saved from the Teen Center days and the concerts at the Napa Fairgrounds. I am sure that would jog my memories..

How does a Fat Man Tie His Shoes?

Fat Man Eating in the dead of night
Take some chicken wings and learn to fry
What a life
such an appetite
You are only Waiting for your Pizza to arrive



I Was a Meth head for so many years that I was never over weight.
In fact I was always too thin. At one point I was 135 lbs. This was really skinny because I am a little more than 6 ft. tall. Now since I've been clean for years it's just the opposite, I'm 255lbs and I don't know how to lose it. My weight gain seems to be all in my stomach area and that makes things like Tying my shoes a real pain in the ass.
I will never,ever, take little things like tying my shoes or bending over to pet my cat for granted again. And oh yea , my neighbors kid called me "lumpy" today, he meant in a joking way but it still felt weird. I've never been FAT before. I've heard people say that they ate because they were depressed and thought "Thats just an excuse"But now I know exactly what they meant. I've just replaced the drugs with food. This scares the hell out of me because I have , just for a second considered doing meth again to lose weight. But I know that if I did that I would be dead in no time .

Rosie O'Donnell and the "Price Is Wrong"

I don't Really watch the "Price is Right" all that much but it is my mentaly handicapped stepsons Favorite show of all time. He enjoys it so much that I have to record a weeks worth of episodes so that when he comes for his Once monthly week end visits he can watch them when he likes. His favorite part seems to be the introduction of the host because he exclaims along with the announcer, "And now here's the host of the Price is Right, BOB BARKER! He gets a huge smile on his face and giggles with delight. I am wondering how Bob's Departure from the show is going to effect "Danny" He is 27 years old(mental capacity about 11) Bob Barker has been the host all his life. I am probably worried over nothing but for "kids" like him routine is very important.

I have been hearing that Rosie O'Donnell is in the running to replace Bob Barker. If this Happens I think it will be the beginning of the end for the show.
Not that I think she couldn't do the job its just that since her remarks concerning 9/11 and accusing Americans of being behind it I don't think she is very popular, That and I personally Think she is Disgusting. But thats just my opinion.