Memorial Service

Well yesterday was the day. We held the memorial service for my Wife Debbie. Saw a lot of Family that I haven't seen in a while. The trouble with that is , is the only time we do seem to see each other is at Funerals, oh and an occasional wedding now that my Nieces and Nephews are getting into ther mid to late twenties. It was a Lovely service. Pastor Frank Did a great Job with the slide show and audo presentation and the Message. Looking at some of the photos from our wedding made me remember Just How beautiful My Debbie was. Iwas a little heart Broken that the person who proclaimed to be her "Best Friend" Did not show up. All week long she had been helping me prepare things and the morning of the service was even dressed to go. Had something prepared that she wanted to read and then just didn't show up. Hasn't called or answered her phone to say why, Nothing. I guess I should be understanding being as she is the type of person that goes to pieces and becomes meg-neurotic when a cat gets sick or dies. Maybe she just figured that she would become too emotional and backed out at the last minute. On the other hand she has a flip side personality that is very self centered and does irrational things and has a very High opinion of herself at times. Just a mixed Bag I guess. So I'll just have to let it go because if I mention it to her she will go all emotionally ballistic and turn it into a feud of sorts, Seen her do it before. Weel Gotta go for now. Hard to type when eyes are filling with tears.

Today is the day of my Wife's funeral/Memorial Service. It will probably without a doubt be the most difficult day of my entire life. Nothing else I can think of even comes close to having to say goodbye to my Debbie. Last night My sister came by and I gave her the best of Debbie's porcelain Doll collection to distribute among the nieces. I know that Debbie would have wanted that. She was so proud to be an Aunt. In doing so I came across the last Doll that she bought. It was never opened because I told her that there was no space for it yet. I had planned on buying her a display cabinet for the. It just breaks my heart that she never got a chance to see it displayed. It was her favorite kind, an Indian all dressed in leather with the colorful beads and feathers and such. I sure hope that I hold up ok at the service.

Only out of frustration.

I want to point out that any negative things that I may have ever posted on this Blog about My Beautiful wife Debbie were strictly out of frustration from dealing with her disease. I didn't mean any of it. I realize to late it seems just how much I Loved her and how she Loved me. A phrase from the song "Big Tellow taxi" comes to mind.

" Don't it always seem to go
That you don't what you've got Till it's Gone"

I Love you Debbie and I miss you oh so Very Much.

A rose is gonna fall
An Angels gonna call on you
To Help you on your way
Time spent toether
Like now is forever
Don't ever Let this Love slip away

Dave Mason - Every Woman

When Debbie and I were first married I had to leave after 6 months to serve an 8 Month jail sentence.(That's right I was a Bad Boy) Anyway I played this song for her on my Guitar and bought the album. I told her that when she got lonely for me to just listen to this song and she would know how musch I loved her. It worked, we were married 29 years. Debbie I still Love You With all My Heart

For Debbie With Love.

The tears I Cry I Cry for Me
For I know that your with Jesus
And I realize his plans for us
May not always Please Us
But I know some day I'll be with you
Tho' it may not be tommorow
Because the time we Live our lives on Earth
Is time thats only Borrowed.

You can't run from Insanity

It's true. You can't run from insanity. No matter how far you go it always follows you and when you return it is always there. You can't argue with it either because it will always believe it is right. It pounds you in the head and tears out your soul till in time (to paraphrase Bob Seger)There is nothin' left to burn and Nothin' left to lose. Or so it seems anyway. You just feel like curling up on the floor with a bottle of ativan and letting nature take its coarse. But that would be the cowards way out. A permanent solution to a "Temporary"? Problem. You can Hire help to relieve the pressure but they don't see the same things you see. They see a ,(for lack of better words)Photo shopped ) Version. Sort of like an old Broken Down house that has been dressed up for sale with a thin veneer of new plaster and a few other cosmetic features designed to draw attention away from the underlying, Broken and Crumbling foundation. Not to mention the Bats in the attic. This is not a report from "The Twilight Zone. And I sure as hell ain't Rod Serling